I blinked and my son Shelton is 13. Everyone always warned me this would happen. When I was up with him at all hours of the night for feedings as a baby I found it hard to imagine. It has happened nonetheless and now I find myself cherishing every moment.
Our family has an annual tradition of doing something together for spring break. This year I find myself wondering if my son will want to continue this tradition much longer. I know very soon he will be taking trips with friends and then suddenly he will be out of the house.
I have learned from the beginning to hold on loosely. Shelton came to us as a miracle anyway. After a couple of years of trying fertility drugs my husband and I made the decision to stop and let the chips fall where they may.
I have always believed God guides my footsteps and this was one of those situations where I knew I needed to let go of control.
I have to admit, I have never been that great at letting go of control and so to assist with this process I made the decision to do a study on Hannah in the Bible. She, similar to me, was infertile and prayed for a child. She promised God that if he would bless her with a child she would give him back to God’s service. Hannah did eventually have a child she named Samuel. The name Samuel in Hebrew means “Heard of God”. She literally gave him over to one of the temple priests Eli to raise. Ironically, it was at age 13 that Samuel began to hear from God and was known as one of the biblical prophets.
I studied Hannah for several weeks and I can honestly say I had let go of “trying for a child.” I knew my life still had purpose and everything would be OK. I understood that whether I had a child or not my life would be good and would have meaning. Just a few weeks after this realization, I found out I was pregnant with Shelton.
As we headed out the door for our little spring break getaway, I went with little expectation other than the desire to look into the eyes of my husband and child for a couple of days. I knew there would be talking, laughing and a lot of hugs in the mix.